How we see ourselves typically is not based upon reality or even the truth, it is based upon what we have been taught to believe in many different ways. Many of the things we have been taught are based upon differences we present to others, mistakes we have made, misbehaviors or poor judgment—yet none of these relate to who we actually are.

Most of us have no idea who we really are because we have learned to wear many emotional masks as a way of letting others see what we believe they want to see. These masks are also designed to keep us from seeing who we actually are. They hide our true selves. This can be seen by many movie stars and singers who are beautiful and talented, yet see themselves differently.

When we are willing to work through the self-deceit that we were taught at an early age, we can open the door to our emotional truth. Most of us believe the place where we need to go to connect with our emotional truth is “the dark side” of ourselves.We’re terrified to go there. The reality is that “the dark side” is a part of us that was created to cope with what life has thrown at us and is a blockade that prevents us from getting to our emotional truth.

When we are willing to connect with our emotional truth that allows us to see who we really are, what we find is something different than we have imagined. We find that our true feelings hurt no one, including ourselves, and they hurt nothing of importance. We also find that we are respectful of ourselves and those around us. When we connect with our emotional truth, we also have no negative messages about ourselves or others.

We actually find that we have a pearl of great worth within ourselves that we were born with and at some level are always seeking to get back to. When we connect with this pearl, we connect with the truth of who we are. This is a place that few people actually see in themselves because they have learned very well to hide it. Our invitation is to realize that when we put ourselves down and engage in any form of disrespect, we are not connecting with our true selves and our pearl of great worth.

We are not what we do, we just are. Our true beauty is also within ourselves, and we all have our own unique beauty when we are willing to find it. The question is whether we are willing to find the emotional truth that allows us to see and to live as the true pearl of great worth that we are made to be.

Where:        Terra Sancta, Rapid City, SD http://terrasancta.org/retreat-center/
When:        Thursday, April 12 @ 5:00 pm thru
Sunday, April 15, 2010 @ 12:00
Cost:        $3,950.00/couple includes workshop, food and lodging
Pre-registration with deposit of  $1,975.00 per couple is required due to limited space. If interested Contact Jetson Counseling @ (605) 718-5500 or Kahler Financial Group at 343-1400 to register. Deposit is non-refundable after March 30, 2012.

Rick Kahler CFP® a highly regarded and well known Financial Planner in the USA http://www.kahlerfinancial.com/ He has written a number of books; “Conscious Finance”, “Facilitating Financial Health”, “Wired for Wealth” and the Financial Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge”. He has appeared on national Television and National Radio. He has a fee for service practice and has been using a Financial Coach, Dave Jetson, successfully with his clients. http://www.jetsoncounseling.com/

Both David and Rick bring a wealth of information about the practical realities of working with another professional in your practice with clients in order to get the through the many real and imagined barriers they may have that prevents them from moving forward with their plans.

“Many times clients come in as a result of a life transitional event which rightly or wrongly creates a certain level of anxiety that they may or may not be aware of. They have good intentions of working with a Financial Planner but don’t really know what the planner actually does and how they can help them and add value to their lives.”

Preconceived beliefs, attitudes, fears and anxieties can impede communications and outcomes. Getting through the emotional aspects of a client’s circumstance so that they can make a confident financial decision requires skill, education and training. Invariably clients need to change their behavior and attitude in order to move forward.

Financial coaching was developed to help create positive change in the clients follow through to help achieve their financial objective’s.

This one-day workshop will explore what financial coaching is and create a number of scenarios to help participants see, experience and feel the powerful impact that financial coaching has to offer and explore ways to implement it in to your practice.

Financial coaching is where the CFP and counseling coach work in conjunction with each other in the same room with the client. The CFP will explore the numbers and data while the coach monitors body language to see where emotional obstacles impact the financial decisions. When an obstacle is found the coach will shift the situation to help the client move forward. The coach is also available to explore emotional issues that halt forward movement and explore ways to remove the emotional obstacles.

An example of financial coaching is with John and Susan who were at odds with each other for seven years about how to structure their retirement plan and how to divide the inheritance when they pass away. In one two hour financial coaching session, forward movement allowed them to create a positive solution was found that they could walk away with and even talk to each other about, which was significant since in the past they could not talk about this issue without fighting.

This workshop will help explore the steps to consider in finding a coach to partner with, techniques, tools and processes to interact seamlessly in a session with the client and coach. This workshop will also explore the payoffs and returns that are gained in this process.

If interested in attending contact Emma Knowles at:

Post: GPO Box 97 Canberra ACT 2601
Fax: +61 2 6257 0171          Email: emmak@consciousmoney.com.au

Where:        The Merritt Center, Payson, AZ  http://www.merrittcenter.org
When:        Friday, February 17 @ 6:00 pm thru
Monday, February 20, 2012 @ 11:00
Cost:        $1,750 per person, includes food and lodging
Pre-registration with deposit of  $875.00 per person is required due to limited space. If interested Contact Jetson Counseling @ (605) 718-5500 or www.jetsoncounseling.com  to register. Deposit is non-refundable after January 5, 2012.

Where:    The Merritt Center, Payson, AZ  http://www.merrittcenter.org
When:        Friday, February 17 @ 6:00 pm thru Monday, February 20, 2012 @ 11:00
Cost:        $1,750 per person, includes food and lodging
Pre-registration with deposit of  $875.00 per person is required due to limited space. If interested Contact Jetson Counseling @ (605) 718-5500 or www.jetsoncounseling.com  to register. Deposit is non-refundable after February 3, 2012.

This workshop will explore the origins of the negative messages and how these messages do not connect with truth. We will explore the patterns associated with negative self-talk, and participants will have opportunities to work through these patterns. In addition, we will spend time exploring the payoffs associated with these negative messages and how these payoffs, even though many are negative, keep us listening to the messages.

If you are tired of listening to these negative messages and are ready to find freedom from them, this workshop can help. The most common response participants share after completing this workshop is how insightful, helpful, and life-changing the experience was for them.

The Freedom from Negative Self-Talk workshop will be held for the first time at Terra Sancta (http://terrasancta.org/retreat-center/) retreat center in Rapid City, South Dakota. This retreat center is opening in January. Its many amenities and beautiful setting make it an appealing location for this type of workshop.

Every day we struggle with negative self-talk and a negative self-image.  This workshop will:
Explore the origins of the negative messages you tell yourself
Explore the truth around the negative self-talk and how negative messages do not represent the truth
Explore the truth that sets you free from the negative self-talk
Explore how you were taught to believe the negative messages we tell ourself
Explore what the negative self-talk has taken
Explore how the negative self-talk contributes and reinforces the negative self-image
Create emotional freedom from the negative self-talk
Recognize choices you have around the negative self-talk
Explore ways to create more self-trust in your life
Explore the patterns associated with negative self-talk
Explore your beliefs and payoffs around the distorted self

 
Where:        Terra Sancta, Rapid City http://terrasancta.org/retreat-center/
When:        Thursday, January 26 @ 5:00 pm thru Sunday, January 29, 2010 @ 11:00
Cost:        $1,750 per person, includes food and lodging
Pre-registration with deposit of  $875.00 per person is required due to limited space. If interested Contact Jetson Counseling @ (605) 718-5500 or www.jetsoncounseling.com  to register. Deposit is non-refundable after January 5, 2012.

When we seek to control someone or a situation, we are attempting to create some level of safety for ourselves. Control is used as a way to manage our fear because the greater the fear, the greater the control. When we have no fear, we also have no need for control because we have a level of trust that allows us to not control that situation.

At a very young age we are taught to control ourselves and our feelings. We are taught to hold our feelings in until the energy disappears from sight. We are also taught to control our urges—such as a need to be loud, run, and play—with statements like “children are to be seen and not heard.”

These forms of control are created from fear of displeasing our parents or authority figures as a child and become engrained in us so that we continue to control that aspect of our lives in adulthood. Control can be helpful in protecting us in certain situations; it can also be limiting so that we fear experiencing the fullness of life.

An example of positive control is when we set healthy boundaries that are respectful of ourselves and others. The boundary creates a level of safety and accountability and is a form of control. Control can also create negative consequences by limiting ourselves and others in such a way that we are not able to fully experience the many positive things life has to offer.

Our need for control is based upon what we have experienced and have been taught. As a child we may have had an experience that scared us and continues to present fear and a need to control and limit our activities. Our parents and/or authority figures may control certain situations due to fear associated with their history, and they may have passed that fear on to us.

The question becomes what is positive and healthy control and what type of control is unhealthy. Healthy control is control that is designed to protect a person or persons in ways that are respectful and do not create limits greater than the situation demands.

Unhealthy control is based upon exaggerated fear, meaning the fear is greater than the situation demands due to emotional history, phobias, and misinformation. Unhealthy control is disrespectful to ourselves and others. While we may not recognize the disrespect because we have grown accustomed to it, the disrespect still exits. The disrespect could be associated with pushing others away with our control when deep down inside we actually desire closeness.

When we are told we are controlling, which everyone is to some degree, it creates an opportunity to explore. In what ways we are controlling? Is the control healthy? If it is not, we can learn healthy, different ways to explore and work through the fear that creates the need for control.

The level of trust we have in our relationships is demonstrated in the level of sharing we are able to do with others. When we communicate with strangers, we limit our communication since we have no history of how safe it will be to share. As relationships grow and develop, we start to open up and share more. The more open we are with our emotional truth, the more we are able to trust that relationship.

Some people indicate that they trust everyone and are willing to share everything about themselves with others, yet what they actually share is very limited. While they may be sharing to the best of their ability, there is another level of sharing that requires a deeper level of trust. Most of us have not experienced this level of trust or sharing because we have not been taught that it is acceptable to share at this level. In fact, many times we have been taught to shut down this level. This level of sharing requires the ability to connect with and feel our true feelings.

True or straight feelings do not hurt ourselves or anyone else when they are felt, yet they tend to be hidden by our sideways feelings. Since we have been taught to hide our true feelings, it becomes difficult to feel safe with and express this level of feelings.

To assist a person in getting to this level of trust and sharing requires patience, support, encouragement, guidance, and examples. People are very fearful of trusting enough to share at this level.
Trust is earned and is sensitive to the environment as well as the behaviors of others. Many people have indicated that they trust no one. When they share their stories, it becomes clear why they have so little trust in others.

Trust is a process that grows and is earned. The greater the trust, the deeper the relationship is and the safer each person feels with the other. This type of trust grows as the relationship creates deeper levels of safety. As the safety increases, the deeper truth has greater opportunities to come forward.

Any time we have a goal of creating trust, it’s important to limit judgment, criticism, control, and advice. These behaviors are counterproductive to trust since they foster some level of fear. When we attempt to control, we exude our own fear. The other person is able to recognize this fear. Creating fear and anxiety limits the opportunity for trust to grow. The more we feed the pattern of fear, the less trust is able to grow. The more we are able to limit our judgment, criticism, control, and advice, the more opportunity we create for trust to grow..

While financial net worth and financial self-worth are sometimes used synonymously, they actually are very different. Financial net worth is made up of our monetary assets minus our liabilities. Financial self-worth is the ability to feel positive about who we are and to be comfortable with our financial situation and the amount of money we have.

Another related term, with still a different meaning, is financial self-esteem. As an example, you may feel great for a while about making a sale that has helped your financial situation, yet still have an inner desire to get more money.  The successful sale gave only a temporary boost to your financial self-esteem.

Our financial self-worth becomes greater as we feel more confident and comfortable with who we are around our finances. The greater our financial self-worth becomes, the less we act out of financial codependency. Financial codependency is where we place the financial needs of others as more important than our own. This plays out in many different ways such as needing to buy everyone’s meals, buying excessive gifts, helping others get out of debt, loaning family or friends money with the expectation that it may not be returned, or buying cars, houses, trips, or college educations for our children. While these all may be nice things to do, they also may harm us or even the person we are trying to help.

When we create a pattern of excessive giving, it eventually becomes an expectation and something the other person starts to rely on. This teaches the other person to become reliant on others rather than independent with their finances. While there is certainly value and importance in giving, the question becomes to what degree do we give and what do we hope to teach our children or the other person in this process. When we give too much, we deny our children or the other person the opportunity to learn about finances and the consequences of poor financial decisions. This denial delays the learning opportunity until the time comes when the handout no longer exists. If children have only learned that they can get what they want and the parents will pay for it, when the parents are no longer in the picture, they financially crash. In this situation the children have no financial self-worth, because they did not earn what they have and have no understanding of finances.

To help children improve their financial self-worth and decrease their financial codependency, it is wise for parents to teach them about finances and money at a young age. Strong financial parenting creates ways for children to save, tithe, and learn from their financial mistakes while understanding the feelings that get stirred with certain financial decisions. It also helps validate healthy financial decisions.

As adults, we also can improve our financial self-worth by taking the time to understand finances rather than ignoring them. We can explore the feelings that motivate us to make financial decisions that are not in our best interests and that keep us from moving forward in making healthy financial decisions. This helps us create ways to make financial decisions with self-integrity, meaning our words, thoughts, feelings, and body language are saying the same things about our financial decisions. .

Financial codependency occurs when we make the financial needs of others greater than our own financial needs. When we focus on the financial needs of another person, expectations and resentments develop on both sides. Financial codependency can be seen in many different ways in a person’s life.

Typically, financial codependency plays out with family members and can also be seen in relationships with friends or significant others. Among friends, it commonly takes the form of one person continually loaning money to friends and seldom getting paid back. With couples, one partner may concede all the finances to the other and be unaware of their financial status or situation. Typically parents give to their children and may continue this giving pattern well into adulthood. Some parents give until they die, which indicates how large an issue financial codependency can be.

Many parents realize they have made mistakes and feel guilty around the way they may have raised their children. As a way to compensate for the inadequacies in their parenting, they create ways to help their children financially to relieve some of that guilt. Different ways that parents may present financial codependency to their children include: giving money for no reason, buying as gifts items the children cannot afford, paying for cars, trips, or household bills because children cannot afford them, making sure they always pay for meals even when children can afford and want to pay, helping children through difficult financial tight spots they placed themselves in, paying for college, paying for a house, etc. While all of these can be supportive ways to help children financially, if the motivation is to enable, tension can be created and the opportunity for the child to learn and grow to become financially independent is lost.

When we attempt to help another person financially, we are denying them the opportunity to grow from their own financial situations. We enable them to rely on us financially. Unless the pattern of financial codependency stops, it becomes a financial enmeshment that is difficult to change.

Looking at financial codependency at a deeper level typically uncovers strings associated with the giving. Conditions like “I want you to love me,” or “Now you have to do what I say,” are a couple of unspoken strings associated with financial codependency.

To create freedom from financial codependency it is important to recognize the underlying motivation for the financial codependency and the underlying feelings that drive this behavior.

While we want the best for our children and will do whatever we can to give them what we believe will be the best for them, we actually are doing a disservice by enabling them. The best way to help our children is to teach them at a young age about money and the role it plays in their lives. As they learn and grow, it is our responsibility as parents to be mentors and supporters while they walk through their own financial obstacles.